When He Gone
by Rina Aria
Summary: [JudexMilla] Time and Fate are cruel, or at least they are for Milla. In the best season she could think of, in the best time she ever know of, and in the biggest happiness she ever felt, she need to lost her everything. Warning: Character death.


**Disclaimer: Tales of Xillia isn't mine obviously. It was the properties of Bandai Namco.**

So, why I wrote this again? And even when I didn't update my multi chapter. Well, it's not like I somehow decided to strand the story just yet because I even had 3 chapters of it on my laptop waiting to be updated. And because in weekend I go online on PC I didn't use the said laptop, I couldn't update it yet.

This was based on my own weird imagination on reality that one day Jude and the other will leave Milla for real. But, what would Milla left alone by her friend one by one? Well, I won't describe them one by one because my main focus is Jude. And also, this was one of my long lists of reason why I fell in love with this pair.

**Note: Everything was being told in Milla Perspective.**

* * *

When I opened my eyes, it felt like everything was a blurry painting of scenery. More or less I know the reason why it happened. After all that happened, I fell into a deep long sleep that I forget how long time had passed my stopped time.

I don't care about time anymore… because no matter how hard I wished for it, no matter how I yearned for it, time won't obey me anymore. It couldn't bring me what I wanted the most… that's why I stopped caring about it.

I opened my eyes once more and I started hearing voice. A gentle and kind voice. Your voice. You see, you are my everything, my everything was yours. The stopped time won't start again… it would no longer… fix…

_Milla…_

"Ju…de…"

* * *

I looked up to the clear blue sky above me with peaceful feeling. For almost half decade, Mana was overflowing in the world and all of spirit was safe. As Maxwell, I didn't need to do more than I already did. Everything was nice and peaceful.

"Oh yeah, maybe I could see Jude again…" I said to myself as I remembered about the human world.

I spun my heels and walked out of my realm, the Spirit World, and met Musee on the way out. She still looked sad after the lost of Gaius, her beloved and also husband (though she was supposed to die when Gaius died) but after a few year she was fine already. Sometimes Musee would mourn of his death though… especially on the day of the death.

"Milla, do you want to take a walk to the human world?" she asked with a smile on her face.

I nodded at her statement before saying, "Yeah, it's been years since the last time I have seen Jude, so, I thought it would be nice… or something," I said while smiling to my older sister by our time of birth.

Musee laughed at me before she said, "Milla, you really didn't realize your own feeling don't you? But well, don't worry I will protect the Spirit World in your absence. Just switch with me tomorrow okay? I wanted to see the human world too, especially Liese Maxia," Musee said with a laughter.

I raised my eyebrow at her first statement but nodded at her request. Fixing my hair and making sure that I didn't look bad I then said, "Okay Musee, I will be gone for awhile. If anything happen call me okay?" I said before I opened the portal to human world.

Musee nodded before she waved her hand and said, "Okay, take care on your way," she said.

And with that, I entered the portal.

* * *

When I noticed where the portal had brought me, I immediately noticed that everything had changed in the past years. I remain hidden from human eyes by nature, but the other spirit and Origin was visible to human, and everyone seemed to enjoy their life.

"_If I remember it right, Jude house was in this city… it save me the trouble on transporting, I guess,_" I thought to myself as I recognized the scenery around me.

Instead of flying, I decided to walk around the street while admiring the blooming trees on one of the street. If I remember it right, the flower was called Sakura… although its biological name is cherry blossom. I liked the former better so I used it more often than the later.

Some of the spirit who passed me, and were visible on human, had their mouth opened wide as they noticed who I am. They seemed to notice that I was one of their lords so they reacted that way. But, I told them to look normal because human could see them but they couldn't see me.

I passed a big news company on my way and when I noticed the building I smiled to myself. After all, it was the news company Leia lead with the help of her husband, Alvin, which used to shock me when they did get married especially with their quite big age gap. Alvin had passed away and it made Leia usual cheerful smile became drained, but she said that she wanted to live on for Alvin part too. I couldn't say it to Leia that I didn't see any spirit being born that resembled Alvin and she never asked me in the first place anyway.

After I felt a little bit nostalgic about our past journey, I continued on my way to Jude place which was a simple house with simple looking small garden. I noticed that Jude was as busy as ever even when his age hit the amount of perfect 66 years old. He never told me what he was researching about after he was done with the Origin research.

…It's not like he could tell me even if he wanted too…

I stepped inside, went pass the door without even opening it, and looking for Jude inside. The last time I visited, and it was roughly 10 years ago, was the time when Elize had her very first grandchildren, and Jude talked that he mainly worked at home and rarely went to the research facility because what he was researching was a personal stuff. If I remembered it right, one of Leia grandchildren who were a researcher, just like Jude, if I remember it right had the name Fay, also helped at his research.

Lately, I was worried about Jude health. It's not like he had any dangerous illness or something the last time I saw him, but it was the fact that he was living alone. Yeah, Jude never got married or having family on his own. The reason always bothered me for half decade.

I walked to Jude study room and found a lot of book was scattered all around. I immediately thought, "_What a messy room_…" or so I thought.

I crouched to see what all of these books were about and saw that it was about Land of Canaan, the three spirit of Origin, and also the Pathway of Canaan. Everything was about Land of Canaan, but I knew for sure that Jude knew it the best that there were no way and no reason for a human to reach that place now, but why Jude researched it?

Then I heard a coughing voice in the deeper part of the study. I quickly ran over there when I heard, "Jude-_ojiisan_, don't leave yet!" the voice said.

When I reached the part of the study, Jude was crouching on the floor, with hand over his mouth and Fay on his side giving encouraging words.

I was surprised at how Jude changed the past 10 years. His usual completely black hair became gray and his skin didn't look healthy at all. He still looked like how he was from 30 years ago but frailer. His eyes had this big sleeping bag from the lack of sleep and he looked so frail. No matter how many I blinked my eyes, Jude looked… ill.

Jude looked at Fay with weak eyes before saying, "Don't worry… I won't die just yet. Would you please get my medicine, Fay? You know the place right?" Jude said with a small smile as he opened his covered mouth.

I was shocked at what was on Jude hand. Blood, a lot of blood was there. Did the past 10 years wear him down this much? But then, why he became like this?

"Jude-_ojiisan_… I really didn't understand what you were thinking until this time. Researching story like Land of Canaan, looking for the pathway to it… grandma also said that you should know it the best!" Fay said with a shaking body as he stood up after he leaned Jude body on the wall.

Jude looked at him with peaceful face as he said, "Everything was for the sake of another meeting, Fay. Your grandmother also know this as much as your aunt Elize and Elle," Jude said softly.

Fay looked shaken for a bit and said, "Jude-_ojiisan_… you are really is an amazing person… going this far for the sake of one person…" Fay said before leaving from the study, disappearing from the mountain of books.

Then I looked over Jude and approached him in hurry. I looked at how pale and thin he had become and touched his cheek. I could feel something cold on the corner of my eyes and knew it by heart that I was grieving. Since when the Jude I came to know become this ill? Why I didn't even realize that our resonance had become this weak?

I took a deep breath and focused my mind to contact Musee. I sensed her replying almost immediately when she asked, "_What's wrong Milla? Contacting me this early like this…_" she asked with a curious tone.

"_I'm sorry Musee. Jude was sick… very sick so, I couldn't come back tomorrow like what I planned. Would you forgive me?_" I said with a brief explanation on what I would do and the condition.

Musee didn't respond for a while, it seems like she was still thinking. I knew I couldn't leave my throne or my world for long, but just this time, I wanted to stay right beside Jude.

But then, suddenly I sensed Musee voice echoing inside my mind as she said, "_I will protect your world as long as you need it Milla. Please be safe over there,_" Musee answered almost immediately.

And with that our communication ended. I looked over Jude who coughed blood again as I tried to support him but my hand went right through his body. I widened at what my hand caught when it passed Jude body. On my hand was the light of life, or human used to call it as soul. The light was fading and threatening to disappear.

"JUDE!" I called his name with complete concern and I was scared to death at what I caught.

When I called his name, Jude necklace that he got from me glowed brightly. I knew it 'force' created a path for me so I could touch the human world, so I could become visible in this world. I immediately took the over and crossed over.

My body glowed into bright blue light and Jude covered his eyes because the light also affected the human world. I embraced Jude body through my still invisible form, hoping that he would recognize that it was me beside him right now.

I closed my eyes to embrace this moment, as I listening to my own heartbeat that raced wildly without a reason I know off. The caged tears that lingered around my eyes broke free and I knew I was crying right now, but I didn't mind it.

Not so long after that, I felt something weighed my hand and I could sense the warmth of someone body through my skin. I opened my eyes and looked at the one I came to this world for as he stared at me with complete disbelief.

"Why you became like this, Jude?" I asked half speaking half whispering the words. Seeing him this weak and ill like this also hurts me inside. It reminded me that we lived in completely two different worlds in two different times. It hurts me so much I was crying over it.

Without answering my question, Jude hugged me back with his frail hands as he said, "Milla… we finally met…so please don't cry…" he said with kindness on his words.

I tightened my hug on him as I said, "Which friend who won't cry when she found out that his most precious ally became this sick…" I said while not stopping my tears.

Jude ran his fingers through my hair and said, "But, I hated it the most when you cry Milla. The only tears I wanted to see from you are the one from happiness," Jude said with small voice.

I broke our embrace and wiped my tears before said, "If that's what your heart wished for me then I would do so," I said with holding my tears.

Jude looked at me with an unknown look on his face. Was it happiness? Or sadness? Or was it longing? I don't understand…

Jude opened his mouth slightly, as if he wanted to speak. Maybe he would if the sound of someone running to our place didn't disturb the moment.

"Jude-_ojiisan_ what was the light from before?" the owner of the said person who ran through our moment had said.

He was obviously surprised at my sudden appearance and stuttered, "W-what, no, who are you? How come you came inside here? Are you a robber? What have you done to Jude-_ojiisan_?" he questioned repeatedly as he jumped a step back in a position I knew very well, Jude style on martial arts.

Jude looked at Fay with a dry laugh before he said, "She was my friend, Fay. There was no need for you to be that alert. Anyway, did you get my medicine? And would you please go home for this day and not come for this week?" Jude said calmly.

Fay was obviously surprised, he then asked, "Really? Y-yeah, I understand but… why?" Fay asked with a small voice.

Jude looked over me with a knowing gaze, which I didn't understand the reason, before he said, "Please understand me and do what I say Fay. Tell Leia my gratitude okay?" Jude said with a calm face despite his still sick looking appearance.

Fay looked over me and Jude for some times. He then sighed and gave the medicine to Jude and said, "Don't do anything funny without my concern okay, Jude-_ojiisan_. Lately, your health didn't become better for the past 5 years…" Fay said with a visible concern on his face.

Jude laughed and said, "I understand, Fay," Jude said with a relaxed smile on.

And then, Fay disappeared from our sight and after awhile, I heard the sound of door being closed. So in this house there were only I and Jude.

Jude looked at me with this strange eyes that made my heart feels warm. Then he said, "Sorry to see me like this Milla. I might have made you worry so much," he said calmly while trying to stand up.

I didn't give him any remark and immediately helped him to stand and walk. Jude really became thinner than the last time I ever help him stand. Fay also said that his health was deteriorating this past 5 years, what was the reason? And there is the matter about his soul…

Jude then led me to the small dining room before he took his medicine and drank some water. I waited for him to explain what happened when I was gone. I knew Jude understand that I wanted some explanation so he started looking back and forth between his hand and my patient gaze.

Jude sighed and looked at me with straight eyes and said, "The last time I felt your presence were 10 years ago… that was the last time I ever felt it until now. Honestly I was glad that you took your time to appear before me Milla, because I really wanted to meet you," Jude said with a slight melancholy on his gazes.

I took a deep breath at that, in attempt to calm my bewildered heart. It always happened whenever Jude said a nice thing about me or we were just all alone. What had made me like this?

I tried to calm myself before I asked, "Then Jude, what was that I just saw? Since when it happened?" I asked as serious as I can. Actually I wanted to ask him why he even bothered to research about Land of Canaan and the way to reach it now, but I decided not to.

Jude looked down before sadly said, "Well, you see Milla… 5 years ago, my body starts failing me. And then my lungs was injured deeply and I got a lot of disease I didn't even bother to remember the name… maybe this was one of Origin way to tell me that I was… dying," Jude explained with small voice, like explaining it was something he didn't want to do.

I looked at him in disbelief. Origin was the administrator of life. It was normal for him to control Jude life time and gave him something like that. But, would Origin dare to lay a hand on my friend? No, Origin wasn't some Spirit like that. Everything was because Jude was human… that's why he gave him some notice.

Then, if I think of it like that, the fading soul was the sign that Jude will… just the thought of it frightened me so much.

"Don't say something so saddening like that Jude…" I said to Jude, half whispering it to myself. I silently remembered that we couldn't exist together forever. It was the law of life, the law of time, the law of land, and no one could change it, not even me.

Jude walked over me before he pulled me to his warm chest. I heard his heartbeat still there although his soul slowly burned out. Somehow, I wanted to cry.

Jude then ran his fingers over my hairs before he said, "Don't worry Milla. Right now I am living in front of you right?" he said with reassuring voice.

"_Liar…_" I thought to myself as I felt the disappearing soul of his and it hurts so much inside. I wanted to tell him but if I told Jude, nothing would change. I couldn't change it either. This fragile life of human… even I knew that in the matter of hours, Jude would leave this world…

… Leaving me all alone…

"_Jude…_"

* * *

"I'm sorry Milla for making you bring me to this place," Jude said with apologetic face on.

"Its fine… at that time, you also piggyback me for days without complaining. Just bringing you to this place that took only an hour couldn't compare," I said with slight nostalgia of that time.

Jude gave me a dry laugh while he walked to one of the tree and rested on the base of it. I looked at my surrounding as I followed Jude steps and noticed that I never went to this place before. I also relied at Jude on navigation to this place, could this be Jude secret place?

Anyway, there were a lot of Sakura trees being planted all around the place, and it made the place looked like a small forest. The white pink color of Sakura surrounding us made it looks like we were in completely different place. I couldn't imagine this place as a part of Elenpios.

I sat beside Jude and listened to the breathing voice of his. We were completely silent along our alone time, until I felt that Jude hand was on mine.

Without realizing it, my breath stopped in the mid of my throat as his fingers tangled with mine. I just realized my own breathing was stopped when I noticed the lingering warm of his hands on mine. I used to think that Jude palm was big as it covered mine completely, this time it was still real, but it was so thin.

"I always dreamt of linking hands with you like this, Milla," Jude softly said as his hands completely covered mine.

I felt that my face became hot at the statement without reason. I felt happy yet there was some other feeling beyond it that I couldn't pinpoint on. But, Jude coughing snapped me into reality and I quickly asked, "Jude, are you okay?" I asked with full concern on.

I mentally slapped myself, there was no way Jude was fine. The light of life dimming process was always hard and hurt for any human. And Jude was no exception.

Jude gave me a weak smile before saying, "Sorry Milla, can I borrow your lap for awhile? I guess I was tired," he said with a forced reassuring smile.

With my spirit eyes I could see the dimming light of life from Jude and my heart was torn apart at the sight. But, hoping to ease Jude worry, I said, "It's okay, go ahead," I said to Jude as I tried to turn blind to the fact.

Jude smiled and slowly put his head on my lap so he was looking straight to my face. Jude looked peaceful when he did so as he slowly stroked my cheek with his free hand, not once he let go of our entwining hands.

Slowly but surely, I felt that our position like this was the most right thing for us. The piece of our lost time was something we couldn't repeat but, just being alone like this under the watchful gaze of Sakura, everything was like in a very beautiful painting.

My heartbeat never slowed down, not even once, but I liked this feeling. Then I remembered something about Jude completely alone life. It always bothered me so then I asked, "Jude, would you hate me if I ask you why you never get married like everyone else?" I asked curiously.

Jude looked at me with wide eyes, and said, "I won't hate you Milla but… why the sudden question?" Jude said with a surprised voice.

I gulped a little before I said, "You see… I just thought it was weird when everyone get married but you didn't… don't you have someone you love?" I said with slight embarrassment. Okay, maybe that was understatement, it was completely embarrassing.

Jude stifled a laugh and I looked at him with angry face. Then he turned serious before saying, "It was something I decided for myself. Before I became a worthy man for her hand, I won't see another woman," Jude said seriously with looking me on my eyes.

My face felt hotter every second Jude looking at me with that serious eyes. It almost looked like that he was talking about me, but there is no way for that. Calm yourself Milla… the reason you stayed here was to care for him don't you?

When I remembered about it, I also remembered that Jude time would run out soon. I need to find the reason why I felt anxious, happy, sad, embarrassed, all kind of feelings whenever I see Jude. I don't want to lose him, I don't want him to be sad, and I wanted him to be happy, no matter what happened to me. But, I was a spirit. I would outlive Jude ten times… no, million times of Jude age. I wasn't even human…

"Jude… could I ask something to you again?" I asked with slightly looking away from Jude serious gazes.

Jude looked at me with questioning eyes and asked, "What is it?" he asked with slightly curious tone. His serious gaze broke off with that question.

"Whoever this woman you love is… what do you feel around her?" I asked nervously. I couldn't help it because we never talked about this kind of thing before.

Jude seemed to think after I mentioned my question. I looked over him and noticed that his light wouldn't last for long. I couldn't really calculate the time, but it was less than half of an hour. Everything was too fast…

Jude then put his hand on my cheek as he started saying, "It felt like my world revolved around her… if somehow she disappeared, my world would stop along hers…" Jude said softly as his hands reached my ears, giving me a tingling feeling inside.

"… then, whenever we are all alone, my heart beating wildly and my face became red. My feeling mixed into one until I don't know which one I felt at the time…" Jude said, taking a break from his speaking as his hand moved to my hair, taking some strands of it and let it drops from his hand when the wind blow it.

Jude feeling was completely like mine. If Jude called it as love then what I felt right now should have been…

Jude hands then rested on the back of my head and I knew I was being pulled to him slowly but surely when he said, "Even if I didn't worthy of you yet… I still wanted to touch you… Milla," Jude said as our face was only an inch apart.

My eyes widened when I felt something being pushed on my lips, locking whatever it was with mine firmly. I knew it perfectly that Jude also loved me as much as I loved him.

Our kiss maybe was short, but it felt so long for me. When we parted there were sadness, but there were lingering happiness. Something felt like it was being broke free from my chest and for now, I was truly happy.

Jude gazed me with loving eyes and I gazed at him back. Jude touched my cheek and I put my hands around him without breaking our eye contact.

But our simple happiness was broken in front of me when Jude began coughing blood and I saw that his light was threatening to die.

"Jude, no, please don't die!" I beg him as I tried to hold his hand in desperate attempt.

I know my words were selfish and there was no way for it to come true. Time had come to take Jude away from my hand. He who had become the center of my world was being taken away in front of me. And I couldn't do anything about it…

"Milla… please don't cry…" Jude said softly as he looked at me with gentle eyes.

I know I cried and I also know that Jude didn't want me to cry. But, I couldn't hold it inside me for long. I couldn't do anything to save him. Nothing…

Jude gazed at me with loving eyes as he said, "Milla… I love you… from the past… until the future… no matter what… that's why, smile…" Jude said softly.

I looked at Jude and noticed that he won't last long. I tried to smile like how he wished, but my tears didn't stop at all so I smiled while I crying. With my best effort to stay smiling I said, "I too… I love you too, Jude…" I said while smiling and crying at the same time.

Jude looked at me with a gentle smile before saying, "Thank good…" but before he could even finish his sentence, Jude hand became limp and his eyes closed. He died.

Jude died. Jude died. Jude died. Jude died. Jude died. Jude died. Jude died. Jude died. Jude died. Jude died. Jude died. Jude died. Jude died.

Just the two words repeated endlessly inside my head as I embraced the now soulless body. I cried like I never did while calling his name repeatedly. When Jude died, he brought along my world and everything around me became black.

* * *

(3rd Person POV)

The dead of famous researcher Jude Mathis, the founder of Origin as a new source of energy, were mourned by both nations. His death was mourned by both Elenpios people and Liese Maxia people. At the day he died, every spirit also mourned for him. His day of death was now known as the Origin day.

But, no one ever knew that the one who mourned him the most was the Lord of Spirit herself. For full 7 days, rain would pour down from the sky endlessly, signing the mourning of the Lord of Spirit.

Leia and Elize saw Milla remained in the cemetery and cried over Jude tombstone for full seven days every year at the day of Jude death. Because for Milla, Jude was her everything.

* * *

So, this story was over! Anyway, I'm sorry for giving this story first before the update. Actually, I was in a hurry to publish it because now is night time in my place and it means I need to sleep and tomorrow is Monday and I hate Monday. So, if you want to please **REVIEW!**


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